I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m not afraid to admit I LOVE Love Island.
It’s cheesy, and frustrating and leaves every episode on a cliffhanger because it’s scared that we won’t come back otherwise, which we probably wouldn’t because it’s main audience is a bunch of twenty-something girls who need a full-time job to fund they make-up and clothes they panic buy because of feeling insecure after watching Love Island…and breathe.
If you audition for love island you have to have the typical bikini body (abs, flat stomach, no more than a size 10, hairless, tanned) and you have to fit inside a certain mould.
They can’t hire anyone normal looking or anyone who isn’t conventionally beautiful because then it would be essentially Big Brother abroad, and they don’t want that.
This year the boys feel really disloyal compared to the previous series.
For example, Series Three Chris and Olivia were screaming and fighting but we all knew at the end of the episode or the end of the series they would end up together because I think they genuinely liked each other.
This year, the boys would have their head turned if a particularly sexy seagull flew past.
Rosie hit the nail on the head when she told Adam “ you will never find real love if you are always searching for more” and that’s the problem with this year. They all have fear of missing out. They have seen the previous years and they know newbies will come in, and they are scared that the newbies are going to be more fun, more sexy, more likely to put out.
And the girls. Well, I work really hard to not give into stupid hormones and insecurities, and I am so passionate about not being called ‘psycho’ but Jesus. H. Christ these girls are not doing females across Britain any favours.
When the new girls come in, go and say hello and be nice because if you befriend them, they probably won’t want to screw you over and steal ‘your’ man.
And yes, if you split up with your boyfriend and you wanna shove his face in it you put a sexy photo on Instagram, its an unwritten rule, I get it, but do it in private, not while he’s chuffing watching you.
Love Island is made for these Insta-famous girls and boys who care about looks and it’s fun to watch, but I’m sick of what it does to people like Camilla and Alex, who in the real world would not be parading round in swimwear and struggling to find love, and also in the real world have a job or cause that they love and get back to.
Samira was right when she said Ellie wouldn’t look twice at Alex in a club, one, doctors work some long-arse shifts so he probably wouldn’t be in a club to start with, and two, as nice as she may be she is choosing the only ‘available’ guy. If she liked him she would have told him from the start.
Anyway, don’t want to moan about it anymore because I actually do enjoy my 9pm escape from reality so I will leave you with this.
The Love Island boys we’ve all dated:
WES: Will be a dick, and argue with you but won’t dump you cos he doesn’t wanna look like the bad guy.
EYAL: Talks absolute nonsense and you kiss to shut him up and regret it.
ALEX: Is really nice, a true gentleman and you’re mad with yourself cos you don’t know what it is you don’t like about him so you put it down to “No Spark”
JOSH: You forget you ever went out until someone mentions him.. “oh god yeah Josh!”
ADAM: You meet up with him when you’re both out, he tells you he’s liked you for ages, you see him kissing someone else twenty minutes later. You confront him, he calls you obsessed or psycho.
JACK: Will take the piss but you love him. The one!